I ALMOST FORGOT

 I ALMOST FORGOT

I was going to go out for brakfast

But I forgot that it was raining

Yesterday the same thing happened

The rain...

The rain came all of a sudden

And I had no umbrella

My claning lady threw all 

The things in the cupboard

Including the iron...

I have been wearing wrinkled clothes since then.

People stare at me in the streets

But I say silently, go away, go away...

My clothes are not wrinkled

But designed by a new designer

Whose name you won't be able to pronounce...

Just stop looking at me

Because right now

And for the rest of my life

I am not going to be a people's person

That has already damaged me...

People

People

People?

Who are these people?

People who have occupied your brain

Your mind, your self esteem, your troubled heart

All of your life.

I am finally done with something called, "People."

Enough is enough

Isn't it?

That's what the English language taught us

Or did this foreign language

Of the colonizers taught us

'It is superior langauge

The language of the superior people

The superior race

The language of the colonizers

It has to be superior

And whoever speak English 

Is superior...

Bullshit...

That's what I thought

When I came here...

Every one was mostly white

At least in the neighborhood

Where I ended up...

And they all spoke English

And I, stupid me, silly me, colonized me,

Thought, Oh! great! I am with the most

Superior and sophisticated people...

"People."

Oh! people. people, people...

The word, "People " became my guru

One worship one's guru

Right?

Right.

That's the function of a guru

To be worshiped

Oh! in this foreign country of superior 

People...

I must befriend them

That's why I am here

That's why I crossed the ocean 

Right?

Right

So, by my own choice, and my own will

I tried hard to surround myself by English 

Speaking people who were white...

You can't go wrong

I would say.

They all speak English

And they are white

I belong to that group...

Back home also, the people

Who spoke English were richer

Smarter...

That's what we thought

The one who spoke English wer closer to the colonizers

They kissed ass to be accepted

People who didn't speak English

They always had inferiority complex...

'I just came back from London"

Oh! yes, my hand bag is from London

I bought it from Harrods,

It's Gucci...

The non English speaking people

Had no idea what the word, "Gucci." meant

SO, they went home feeling more inferior than ever

And that's what went on for decades...

When I came here I didn't feel inferior

Or colonized

At least I wasn't aware of it ...

Because I was college educated

And came here with few dollars

Unlike other poor immigrants

And since I was educated and spoke some English

I was seeking English speaking people to be my friends

I was so naive even with dollars in my pocket

And a college degree

That I didn't realized that te people I am seeking to be

my friends are native people and English is their language

They all speak English...sweet heart...

I didn't think about that in my excitement

That excitement was stupidity never the less...

Since I was so high with being in America especially

In the might New York City and in Manhattan never the less...

"Oh! she lives in Manhattan"

Back home the rumor was spreading

At least the colonized so called sophisticated people

Who were actually jahal and very low class

But since they bought their bags from Harrods of London

We assumed that they were high class

That's how ignorant and naive we were even with our college

degrees...

So, I befriended English speaking people

Tried very hard to befriend them

Because they had some kind of attitude of superiority

But to my utmost horror after years of living here

I suddenly realized (Extremely late) that they were all

Low class, really low classed, trying to hide with fake

high class attitude...

I thought that whoever speaks English is educated, sophisticated

And high class people.

I all my life surrounded myself with fake, fake, fake people

Posing like somebodies while they were no bodies...zero..they were zero

And I was below zero not to ever think and realize that who ever speak

English is not high class...

It's their country and their language is English...

That's how much colonized we were by the English

Who occupied us for eternity

And our brains and our souls were all occupied since our birth

Or even before our birth...

I surrounded myself amongst worthless nobodies

Who most of the time would make condescending remarks

even after my days of achievements

And I would come home worrying and wondering about what they

just said and I never said anything back...

Looking back, first of all I would never be with them

If I was clear about one thing and one thing alone

That I was a person of integrity, colonized or not

That one thing we can never take out of our blood,

The crimes the settlers and colonizers committed 

Against our ancestors and and destroyed our soul

And we still came to their countries thinking that we are going 

There to advance ourselves, educate our selves

Learn the way of the world...and be part of the world where

We can speak up, express ourself, speak against the new occupatinos

New genocides, new atrocities being committed by the ancestors of the

ones who ocupied us and our body and soul....

But at least I don't surround myself with any people

People who speak English or French or German or even Arabic of

Saudi Arabia their neighbors...

'STAY AWAY FROM PEOPLE OF ANY CLASS

YOU NEVER KNOW WHO THEY ARE!

LIKE SARTRE SAID, 

"HELL IS OTHER PEOPLE."

SO TRUE, SO VERY TRUE.

YOU WANT TO GO FOR COFFEE?

FOR BREAKFAST?

YES. I LOVE TO GO FOR COFFEE. 

I GO EVERY DAY FOR COFFEE

I HAVE MADE MANY AFE OWNERS VERY RICH

YES, I WOULD LOVE TO GO FOR COFFEE

"YES, BUT ALONE BY MYSELF.

WHY DI I NEED YU TO GO WITH ME FOR COFFEE?

SO YOU CAN MAKE MORE CONDESCENDING REMARKS 

ABOUT ME WITH A FAKE SMILE?

THOSE DAYS ARE OVER SWEETHEART

OVER, "DONE AND DUSTED." AS THE ENGLISH SAY

I WANT TO SIP MY HOT BOILING COFFEE ALONE

I WANT TO ENJOY MY COFFEE

THATS WHY I PAY $10 FOR IT

AND FOR THAT I HAVE TO BE BY MY SELF

I HAPPEN TO ENJOY MY OWN COMPANY

AND FOR THAT...

I WANT TO BE ALONE