"SINGING BIRDS CONTINUE..."

 "SINGING BIRDS CONTINUE..."

The page is empty

So?

Do justice with the page?

Justice?

Yes.

The page is waiting...

Empty page is waiting ...

Fill it.

I will try.

THE EMPTY PAGE

THE EMPTY PAGE

THE PAGE LOVES YOU

THE PAGE IS ALWAYS WAITING FOR YOU...

THE EMPTY PAGE IS ALWAYS WAITING FOR YOU TO FILL IT...

THE EMPTY PAGE IS WAITING FOR YOUR GESTURES.

GESTURES OF ALL KIND WILL BE TOLERATED BY THE EMPTY PAGE

GESTURES OF ANGER,  FRUSTRATION,  HATRED,  CHAOS,  MURDERS,

MURDEROUS THOUGHTS,  INJUSTICE,  WARS,  WEDDINGS,  OCCUPATIONS,

TIVECOLONIZATION,  OPPRESSION,  LAUGHTER,  HOPE,  PAST,  TRAUMA, LOVE

SEEKING LOVE, ABANDONED,  FUTURE,  REGRET,  TIME,  TIME WASTED,  LOVE

SPENT....DON'T BE AFRAID. THE PAGE IS VERY RECEPTIVE...WELCOMING...NO

 CENSORSHIP.

ALL IS ACCEPTED BY THE EMPTY PAGE. 

THE MOST SINCERE FRIEND, THE EMPTY PAGE,  HAD BEEN WAITING AND WAITING AND

 WAITING FOR SO LONG TO BE ENTERTAINED BY THE SONGS...SONGS OF SPRING TIME

COMING, TO FIND THE LONG LOST THOUGHTS OF CALM AND SMILE...

THE EMPTY PAGE IS THE FAMILY YOU HAVE BEEN SEEKING IN A STRANGE NEW LAND

WHERE EVERY ONE IS RUSHING ABOUT,  NO ONE HAS THE MOMENT OF REST AND

 SOLACE TO THINK, TO IMAGINE, TO DREAM,  TO CHERISH THE MOMENT AT HAND.

THE EMPTY PAGE NEEDS YOUR ATTENTION NOW. NEEDS YOUR LOVING,  KIND,

 FEELING,  INTELECTUAL,  FUNNY CHATTER, THE CHATTER YOU HAVE BEEN WASTING

 ON OTHERS...DON'T WASTE IT ON ANY ONE BUT ON SOMETHING, SOMEBODY WHO

APPRECIATE IT,   WHO IS LOOKING FORWARD FOR YOUR KIND ATTENTION.

DO NOT ABANDONE THE PAGE THE WAY YOU HAVE BEEN ABANDONED. DON'T BE

 CRUEL TO THE PAGE, YOUR MOST SINCERE FRIEND WHO HAS BEEN WAITIN AND

 WAITING AND WAITING FOR YOUR FINGERS TO HOLD THE PEN AND SCATTER

 WHATEVER YOU WANT ON IT'S SURFACE...IMAGINE THE GENEROUS INVITATION! 

 IMAGINE THE GESTURE OF HOSPITALITY! ISN'T THAT WHICH YOU WANTED 

FROM FRIENDS?  FROM FAMILY?

NOW IT'S BEING PROVIDED FOR. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT. SCATTER ALL THE PAIN OF

 THE PAST ON IT.

ALL THE PAINFUL MEMORIES OF YOUR PAST, ALL OF THEM LIKE THAT ACHE YOU HAVE

 BEEN DWELLING ON FOR SO LONG...SCATTER THOSE MEMORIES ON THIS EMPTY PAGE.

PAGE WILL HAPPILY GATHER THEM ALL AND YOU WON'T HAVE TO DWELL ON THAT

 EVER LASTING ACHE EVER AGAIN.  ACHE IS THE BIRD WHO SINGS. IT'S CALLED,

 BULBUL. REMEMBER!  BULBUL IS PART OF YOUR LANGUAGE, THE LANGUAGE YOU

 FORGOT BUT STILL SEEKED UNKNOWINGLY FOR SO LONG....

"BE WITH SINGING BIRDS TO HEAL , HEAR THEM SING."

"BE WITH SINGING BIRDS TO HEAL,  HEAR THEM SING."

ANSWER ME THIS...

WOULD YOU ALLOW STRANGERS IN THE BATHROOM WHEN YOU ARE BATHING?

WOULD YOU?

I THINK NOT.

THAT SPACE IS AS PRIVATE AS YOUR SORROW, YOUR PAIN, HAPPINESS,

HOPE,  ANXIETY,  YOUR LACK OF WILL, YOUR POWERFUL DEED OF THE DAY

OF EVERY DAY...THE PROCRASTINATION...THE DESTRUCTION OF THE LIGHT,

THE OPENING OF THE WINDOW NOW COMPLETELY SHUT TO GET SOME FRESH AIR,

TO BREATH, TO LIVE.

LET ME TELL YOU AND I HOPE IT WOULD BE THE LAST TIME BECAUSE I AM LEAVING,

GOING AWAY, FAR, FAR AWAY...

SO LISTEN AND LISTEN CAREFULLY...

"THERE ARE TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE IN THE WORLD

AVOID BOTH OF THEM."     Shopenhaur

DO NOT DISCUSS ANY OF YOUR DEEPLY FELT TRAUMAS, DISAPPOINTMENTS, 

OR ANYTHING ELSE WHICH IS BOTHERING YOU, GIVING YOU NO SOLACE, NO

 SOLUTION

WITH ANY ONE...ANY ONE...YOU HEAR?

NO DISCUSSIONS WITH ANY ONE...AND THAT ANY ONE IS ALL PEOPLE...ALL PEOPLE...

YOU HEAR?

YOUR PROJECT WHICH IS YOUR LIFE...REMAINING LIFE IS NOT AND CAN'T BE

UNDER DISCUSSION OR EXPLANATION...IT'S TO BE DONE ALONE, QUIETLY, DISCRETELY

IN YOUR OWN PRIVACY...NEVER TO BE TALKED ABOUT,  NEVER TO BE QUESTIONED,

ONLY WRITTEN ALL ALONE BY YOURSELF...

JUST PUT IT ON  THE PAPER.

DO YOU HAVE A PEN?

DO YOU A PENCIL?

DO YOU HAVE CHARCOAL?

SO,  JUST PUT IT ON THAT PIECE OF PAPER...SCRIBBLE IT ON...

SEE, ALL YOU NEEDED WAS CHARCOAL, NO ONE ELSE, NO HUMAN BEING SHOULD BE 

INVOLVED IN YOUR PROJECT.

YOU AND BLESSINGS FROM SOMEWHERE HIDDEDN...

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

A PROBLEM?

SCRIBBLING ON THOSE NOTEBOOKS,  SCRIBBLE ? IS THAT A PROBLEM NOW?

YOU ARE HAVING A PROBLEM AFTER ALL THOSE

 YEARS?

ALL THOSE YEARS OF SCRIBBLING ON THIOSE NOTEBOOKS, THE ONES YOU

 BOUGHT

FOR A DOLLAR EACH DAY AND FILLED IT,  AND NOW YOU HAVE HUNDREDS OF THEM

 SCARING YOU...

YOU ARE SO SCARED OF YOUR OWN PROJECT, YOUR LIFE...YES, YOUR PROJECT

IS YOUR LIFE SWEETHEART AND YOU ARE SO SCARED OF THAT...

SO SCARED THAT YOU HAVE HIDDEN YOUR LIFE IN BAGS, IN BASKETS, HIDDEN AWAY

 FROM YOUR SIGHT, YOU WON'T OPEN THOSE NOTE BOOKS TO SEE WHAT'S IN THEM.

WHY NOT?

ARE YOU SCARED OF YOUR OWN SCRIBBLE?

 YOUR LIFE?

ARE YOU?

SAY, YES.  IN-FACT YOU ARE...

YOU ARE SCARED OF YOUR OWN LIFE

THAS WHY YOU WON'T LOOK AT THE WORDS YOU HAD WRITTEN ON THOSE NOTE

 BOOKS FOR YEARS.

CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

CAN I?

WHAT SCARES YOU?

YES, WHAT SCARES YOU? AND WHAT HAS BEEN SCARING YOU FOR SO LONG?

ALL YOUR LIFE SOMETHING HAS SCARED YOU...

INDEED...

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING...

DEAL WITH IT...

JUST OPEN THE TRUNK AND GO AWAY SOME WHERE VERY FAR AND LOOK AT YOUR

 PROJECT, GO AWAY FROM YOUR EVERY DAY MUNDANE ATMOSPHERE ALL ALONE BY

 YOUR SELF AND DON'T COME BACK TILL YOU HAVE READ EVERY WORD THAT YOU

 HAVE WRITEN IN YOUR NOTE BOOKS.

YOU MIGHT BE SURPRISED...

YOU MIGHT FIND SOME SINGING BIRDS IN THERE...

SILENTLY SITTING THERE...

THEY ARE NOT DEAD YET...

LET THEM SING...

LET THEM FLY...

LET THE SINGING BIRDS SING.

------------

ABANDONEMENT, IS THAT WHAT YOU FEEL?

WHEN THEY DIDN'T SHARE THEIR HAPPINESS WITH YOU...

YES, THEY DIDN'T

AND?

(silence)

AND?

FELT ABANDONED

THAT'S NOT A NEGATIVE FEELING

THE HAPPY MOMENTS OF THEIR LIVES

YES, THAT'S HOW IT FELT .

ACTUALLY IT'S A HEALTHY FEELING

YOUR LOVED ONES DIDN'T INCLUDE YOU DURING THE HAPPY MOMENTS OF THEIR

 LIVES...

YES, THATS HOW IT FELT.

FELT BEING LEFT OUT

YES, YOU WERE LEFT OUT

YOU REMINDED THEM OF THEIR PAINFUL MOMENTS BECAUSE YOU SHARED THEIR

 PAIN WITH THEM AND PEOPLE FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE...

OH! PEOPLE FEEL UN-COMFORTABLE IF SOME ONE IS HELPING THEM GET RID OF THEIR

 PAIN?

NO ONE CAN GET RID OF THE PAIN, BUT THEY TRY VERY HARD AND IF THAT MOMENT

 OF PAIN COMES BACK, THEY RESENT IT AND  OF THE PERSON WHO MADE THEM THINK OF

 IT.

IT'S REALLY TWISTED

YES, IT IS, ONE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH REAL SITUATIONS, SOME TIMES IT'S BETTER TO DO A LITTLE BIT BUT NOT TOO MUCH, TOO MUCH CONCERN, AFFECTION AND LOVE SCARES PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY THEMSELVES ARE NOT CAPABLE OF THOSE FEELINGS AND THEY RESENT THE PERSON WHO HAS IT IN ABUNDENCE....ACTUALLY BY NOT INCLUDING YOU IN THEIR HAPPY MOMENTS IS  BECAUSE OF THEIR FEAR...

FEAR?

YES, FEAR...

THEY WANT TO COMPETE WITH YOU BUT THEY CAN'T SO THEY AVOID YOU.

ANSWER FOR THAT IS JUST A POLITE, RESPECTFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM AND THE

 RELATIONSHIP HAS TO BE NOT SO DEEP...

SUPERFICIAL, YOU MEAN? 

NOT REALLY SUPERFICIAL EITHER BUT  NOT SO DEEP AT THE EXPENSE OF YOUR OWN PRIORITIES. YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO LOVE YOUR SELF A BIT MORE...A LOT MORE BECAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE THAT YOU LOVE OTHERS MORE THAN YOU LOVE YOURSELF

ISN'T THAT CONSIDERED SELFISH?

DON'T WORRY SO MUCH ABOUT OTHERS SELFISHNESS..

OTHERS...?

WHY WORRY SO MUCH ABOUT OTHERS?

BECAUSE...

BECAUSE?

BECAUSE OF LOVE

LOVE FOR WHOM ?

LOVE, LOVE FOR THE LOVED ONES...

LOVED ONES?

YES...THE PEOPLE WE LOVE, WE CALLED THEM LOVED ONES...ARE YOU SURPRISED?

YOU CAN'T BE...YOU ARE THE THERAPIST

YES, THATS WHY THE ONE'S YOU CALL TO SHARE EVERYTHING WITH THEM BECAUSE UNDER THE GUISE OF D LOVED ONES, THEY ARE PRETTY DISTANT WITH YOU. THEY CARE FOR YOU BUT THEY DON'T SHARE EVERYTHING WITH YOU IF,  EVERYTHING IS NOT CONVENIENT FOR THEM,  BUT YOU WANT TO SHARE EVERYTHING WITH THEM BEAUSE YOU PUT THEM ABOVE YOU. YOU NEED TO CHOOSE YOUR OWN PRIORITIES AND AFER THAT TAKE CARE OF OTHERS.

AND THAT IS IF YOU HAVE ANY TIME LEFT. IT'S ALSO ABOUT EMOTIONAL AND  FINANCIAL SUPPORT.  IF YOU SPEND  ALL YOUR MONEY, YOUR EMOTIONS, YOUR TIME ON YOUR SO CALLED, "LOVED ONES." YOU WILL HAVE NOTHING LEFT FOR YOURSELF. YOU WILL BE BANKRUPT AND WHO IS GOING TO TAKE CARE OF YOU? WHO? NOT YOUR LOVED ONES...THAT'S FOR SURE. THEY WOULD HAVE A LOVELY RHETORIC, " WE WISH WE COULD BUT SO SORRY, WE CAN'T."  IF YOU COMPLAIN,   THIS IS WHAT THEY WOULD SAY, "HI, SO SORRY, NOTHING WE CAN DO TO HELP YOU, WE HAVE OUR OWN PROBLEMS AND WORRIES." AND IF YOU TRY TO REMIND THEM, "LISTEN, I HELPED YOU IN THE PAST, I HELPED YOU IN EVERY WHICH WAY, EMOTIONALLY, FINANCIALLY, EVERY WHICH WAY I COLD."

THEY WOULD SAY, " WE NEVER ASKED FOR YOUR HELP.  WHATEVER YOU DID WAS BECAUSE OF YOUR OWN FREE WILL.  AND WE ACCEPTED YOUR KINDNESS BECAUSE WE DIDN'T WANT TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS. YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER OFFERED ANYTHING PRECIOUS...TO YOU TO...

 ANY ONE. IF WE REALIZED THAT YOU WERE UNDER ANY PRESSURE AND IT WAS DEPLETING YOU IN SOME WAYS TO BE SO GENEROUS, WE WOULD HAVE NEVER EVER ACCEPTED ANYTHING. WE CARE FOR YOU, WE DIDN'T WANT TO CREATE ANY KIND OF STRESS FOR YOU."

SEE HOW DIPLOMATIC THEY ARE...

THEY WILL ALWAYS PUT IT ON YOU. AND RIGHTFULLY SO. IT'S YOU WHO OFFERED AND THEY TOOK AND THEY TOOK GLADLY. LEARN FROM THEM, IF NOT FROM ME. THEY ARE

YOUR RELATIONS, LEARN FROM  THEM,  THE ONES YOU LOVE OR LOVED IN THE PAST TILL IT WAS TOO LATE...

BUT LEARN FROM THEM, THEIR FAKE POLITE NATURE TO ACCEPT NICE GESTURES FROM OTHERS IF THINGS ARE OFFERED TO THEM WILLINGLY BY OTHERS, THEY DON'T HAVE TO RETURN THE FAVOR IF THEY DIDN'T WANT...

SEE THATS WHERE YOUR MISTAKES LIED...YOU WANTED THEIR ATTENTION, THEIR FONDNESS FOR YOU, THEIR LOVE AND YOU THOUGHT BY GIVING THEM EVERYTHING

VOLUNTARILY, THEY WOULD THINK ABOUT IT AND RETURN SOME OF THEIR AFFECTION TOWARDS YOU BUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP TOWARDS YOU WAS DIFFERENT.

THEY WERE NOT SO LONELY...

THEY HAD OTHER OTHER THINGS TO DO

THEY HAD PRIORITIES

HOW TO TO SPEND THEIR THEIR MONEY, HOW TO SPEND THEIR TIME, HOW TO 

  PART WITH THEIR LOVE...NO, THEY WERE VERY CLEAR ABOUT THEIR LIFE. THEY WERE TAKING CARE OF THEIR LIVES AND YOU WERE TAKING CARE OF THEM. .NOW WHATEVER TIME IS LEFT,

 SPEND IT ON YOUR SELF NOW, WHATEVER TIME IS LEFT, SPEND IT ON

YOURSELF, SPEND YOUR MONEY ON YOU, SPEND SOME KINDNESS ON YOURSELF, LOVE YOUR SELF FOR A CHANGE AND SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT...OCCUPY YOUR TIME WITH THINGS YOU ENJOY WITHOUT FEELING

GUILTY THAT YOU ARE WASTING TIME. LEISURE TIME IS NOT WASTING TIME. IT'S A MOMENT OF HEALTHY, ENJOYABLE TIME. THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IN THE BEGINNING TO HEAL YOUR SELF FROM THE LONG

IGNORANT JOURNEY OF THE PAST. YOU CAN STILL BE NICE, POLITE, DIPLOMATIC, PERSON BUT TOTALLY BE INVOLVED IN YOUR OWN HEALING.

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS CONTINUES.

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS CONTINUES.

AND THEN IT CONTINUED

THE DENIAL

THE RESISTENCE

THE WEAK WILL POWER

THE LACK OF CONTROL OVER THE NEGATIVE CONSCIOUSNESS

MANY PROMISES TO GET RID OF...

TOMORROW STAYS THE SAME LIKE YESTERDAY...

ACTUALLY EVEN WORSE THAN YESTERDAY...

IT CONTINUES AND DETERIORATE AND DETEROIRATE SOME MORE...

STOP

JUST STOP

STOP...

EVERY DAY SAY, "IT WILL BE WORSE THAN TODAY...

YES, TOMORROW WILL BE WORSE THAN TODAY...

THIS WAY YOU WILL BE READY...READY AND HAPPY PERHAPS

BUT CERTAINLY NOT DISAPPOINTED...

THE SAME, OR EVEN WORSE SHOULD BE EXPECTED

EXPECTED FOR THE PEACE OF MIND

FOR LESS TRAUMA

LESS GUILT

FOR LESS DISAPPOINTMENT.

BE PREPARED FOR THE DISAPPOINTMENT OF THE NEW DAY...

LOTS OF DISAPPOINTMENT OF THE NEXT DAY ARE EXPECTED

NO POSITIVE OUTCOME OF THE COMING TOMORROW

"TOMORROW...

BUT YOU SHOULD DO THIS TOMORROW...

WE SHOULD  DO THAT TOMORROW

I SHOULD DO THAT TOMORROW.

NO, NO, NO,

NO WAY...

"SAY, "I WILL NEVER DO ANYTHING NEW OR BETTER TOMORROW."

TOMORROW WILL BE EXACTLY LIKE TODAY."

"SAY, "I WILL DO WORSE TOMORROW."

"AND I WILL REGERET EVERY EVENING THE BADNESS OF MY DAY."

"THE DAY WHICH NEVER CHANGED EVEN AFTER THE MILLION PROMISES."

"TOMORROW WILL BE THE SAME."

SAY IT A THOUSAND TIMES

BECAUSE THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT WILL HAPPEN BECAUSE YOU HAVE LOST IT...

LOST THE POWER TO HAVE A BETTER,  MORE CONSTRUCTIVE DAY."

"STREAM OF OF CONSCIOUSNESS OF SINGING BIRDS."

 "STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS OF SINGING BIRDS."

                            A ONE WOMAN PLAY

             WRITTEN, PERFORMED AND DIRECTED

                                                 BY

                                        BINA SHARIF

copyright:binasharif:2022-2023

                              

WHO IS GOING TO UNDERSTAND?

 WHO IS GOING TO UNDERSTAND?

NO ONE.

ABSOLUTELY NO ONE.

NO FAMILY

NO HUSBAND

NO FRIEND

NO ACQUAINTANCES

LOVERS...

NO ONE.

JUST POUR EVERYTHING INTO WORDS AND POUR THEM ON TO A SIMPLE PAPER.

THE PAPER WILL UNDERSTAND AND IF IT DOESN'T IT WILL NOT SHOUT AND HOLLER

PAPER WILL ABSORB ALL OF IT SILENTLY, PATIENTLY...

THAT'S THE TITLE OF YOUR UN-WRITTEN BOOK.

THAT'S YOUR UP-COMING PROJECT.

YOU NEED A PROJECT TO SURVIVE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE

DON'T YOU?

ARN'T YOU LIKE EVERY ONE ELSE?

IF NOT, BE LIKE EVERY ONE ELSE.

BE SPECIAL EVERY ONE IS SPECIAL

ESPECIALLY NOW

THEY HAVE PROJECTS, FINISHED, UN-FINISHED, FINISHED AND NOW NEW ONE

 STARTED.

THAT'S YOUR PROJECT/PLAY

DON'T CALL IT A PLAY

CALL IT A PROJECT

MORE PROFESSIONAL

MORE IMPRESSIVE

MORE RESPONSIBLE

MORE MONEY WORTHY

OH! NO MONEY IS NEEDED...

VERY RICH,  VERY RICH,  VERY VERY RICH ALREADY.

KEEP IT A SECRET THOUGH

YOUR PRIVATE WORLD

DON'T LET ANYONE COME INTO  YOUR PRIVATE WORLD.

KEEP A DISTANCE

LEARN,  NOT TOO LATE

THE PROBLEM,  A SEVER PROBLEM YOU HAD KHATIGA WAS THAT YOU HAD NO PRIVATE

 WORLD.  YOU SHARED EVERY BIT OF YOUR LIFE,  YOUR LOVES,  YOUR CONCERNS, 

 YOUR SADNESS, YOUR REGRETS WITH EVERY ONE,

BUT THE LONELINESS STAYED

IN CASE YOU WERE TRYING TO ELIMINATE YOUR EVER LASTING LONELINESS OF YOUR

 EXISTENCE...LONELINESS STAYED.

NOW KEEP YOUR PRIVATE LIFE PRIVATE WITH YOUR LONELINESS

 NOT EVEN SOMETIME, .KEEP THE LONELINESS PRIVATE ALL THE TIME.  DON'T LET ANY

 ONE COME INTO IT ALL THE TIME, NOT EVEN SOMETIME.

"NO MORE, NEVER MORE." LIKE EDGAR ALLEN POE SAID. "

"NO MORE."  "NEVER MORE."

JUST WRITTE LITTLE CHEERFUL EMAILS OR TEXT MESSAGES,  EVEN BETTER.

"HOW IS YOUR FAMILY?

WEATHER IS NICE.

WEATHER IS TRUELY BAD.

MISS YOU

LET'S HAVE LUNCH SOON.

LOVE YOU...

BY NOW."

NO NEED OR ACTUALLY NO USE OF POURING YOUR ANGUISH,  NO DESCRIPTION OF

 ANY...

 CONFUSION IN YOUR LIFE OR SADNESS,  OR ANGST,  OR TRAGEDY.  NONE OF THOSE

 THINGS ARE BEING UNDERSTOOD BY ANY ONE...ACTUALLY NO ONE TRIES TO

 UNDERSTAND AND EVEN IF BY A FRACTION OF A CHANCE TRY,  THEY CAN'T

 UNDERSTAND BEYOND WHAT THEY DO GRASP ANY WAY.  IT'S DEPLETION OF YOUR OR

 ANY ONE ELSE'S PRECIOUS ENERGY AND TIME.  AND WHAT ARE YOU WITHOUT

 ENERGY?

 OR TIME.NOTHING.  DON'T BE JUST NOTHING.  BE SOMETHING.  BE WISE.  BE

 INDEPENDENT.  BE CONTENT.  BE SOPHISTICATED.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

DO YOU?

 DO YOU?

LET ME REMIND YOU AGAIN.  ALL PEOPLE ARE EXCLUDED FROM YOUR UP-COMING

 PROJECT.  IT'S A SOLO PLAY.  LIFE IS A SOLO PLAY WRITTEN, DIRECTED AND ACTED BY

 YOU.  AND YOU ALONE.  NO ASSISTANT,  NO DRAMATURGE.

PLEASE UNDERSTAND ME ONEC AND FOR ALL...

YOUR PROJECT IS NOT UNDER DISCUSSION OR EXPLORATION.

IT'S TO BE DONE QUIETLY AND ALL ALONE BY YOURSELF.  NO HELP NEEDED.  NOT

 OBLIGED   TO ANY ONE.  IT HAS TO BE DONE IN COMPLETE SILENCE IN YOUR OWN

 PRIVACY TO PROTECT YOUR INCOMING THOUGHTS.  NO INERRUPTION,  THE FLOW

 WILL GO AWAY...

  PURITY WILL GO AWAY,  THE RYTHM WILL GO AWAY.

NEVER TO BE TALKED ABOUT.

NEVER TO BE SHARED.

NO SHARING.

DO YOU SHARE YOUR BATHS WITH STRANGERS?

NO INCLUSION OF OTHERS ANY TIME IN YOUR PROJECT WHICH IS YOUR FRAGILE LIFE.

DO YOU UNDERSTANDME ?  DO YOU?

"POSSIBLE."

 "POSSIBLE"

POSSIBLY, WE ARE INCOMPETEN ALLTOGETHER?

WE ARE UN-INSPIRED?

POSSIBLY WE ARE INCOMPETENT ALLTOGETHER...?

"WHAT WE THINK DETERMINE WHO WE ARE...?"

"WE ATTRACT WHO WE ARE INTO OUR LIVES.?"

 DEPRECATION -DARK HUMOR

SELF DEPRECATION...

"CONTEMPLATE THE UN-THINKABLE?"

"EVERYONE FAILS IN ONE WAY OR THE OTHER?"

"TRY ANYWAY."

"TRYING IS FAILURE WITH HONOR,  NOT TRYING IS FAILURE WITHOUT."

"WE CREATE OUR OWN CIRCUMSTANCES BY THE CHOICES WE MAKE AND THE CHOICES

 THAT WE MAKE ARE FUELED BY OUR OWN THOUGHTS."

"SO OUR THOUGHTS ARE THE MOST POWERFUL THING THAT WE HAVE ON THIS EARTH

 AND BASED UPON WHAT WE THINK."

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS OF A BULBUL."  BS"

DON'T REPEAT THE SAME OLD PATTERNS OF BEMOANING." Marguerite Duras

"TO TREAT A WOUNDED HEART, SEARCH FOR A BULBUL. (a singing bird) "BS

"TO HEAL A WOUNDED HEART, SEEK A BULBUL." BS

"I REGRET ALL THAT I FELT MYSELF ON THAT MAN'S ACCOUNT ON THAT TERRIBLE

 NIGHT. IT IS AS THOUGH I HAD LOST SOMETHING." CHEKHOV

"INTENTION, (Niat) IS ALL." BS

"WITH INENTION COMES EVERYTHING." BS

"IN MY CONSCIOUSNESS AND AWARENESS THEY CAN NOT DETERMINE MY DESTINY."

 MAUREEN DOWD

"KEEP ME TIED TO THEIR TOXIC ENERGY?  SEVER THOSE TIES, VIBRATIONS, TONES,

 EMOTIONS."?

"ENERGY FLOWS WHERE TENSION GOES." ?

"BUT STILL THEY DON'T WANT TO SHARE THEIR HAPPINESS WITH YOU,  NO IT'S NOT

 SELFISH,  IT'S SOMETHING ELSE,  IT'S COMPLICATED,  MUCH MORE COMPLICATED

 THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE....BS

  

"YOU STILL SHARE THEIR PAIN AND THEY MOVED ON BECAUSE OF THAT AND NOW

 THEY WANT TO SHARE THEIR HAPPINESS WITH OTHERS BECAUSE YOU

 REMIND THEM OF THAT PAINFUL MOMENT.  YOU HELPED SLOW THEIR PAIN THEN BUT

WHEN THEY SEE YOU THEY REMEMBER BECAUSE YOU SHARED IT WITH THEM,  AND

 THEY SHARED IT WITH YOU BUT I DIDN'T ASK THEM TO SHARE IT WITH ME, THEY

 CAME TO ME THEMSELVES...BUT DOESN'T MATTER. They might have pittied me but I thought

 that was their pain as well. it was our combined pain. yes, but their happiness is their own and they

 don't want to spoil it by sharing it with you."     anonymous.

"HAND WRITTEN"

 "HAND WRITTEN"

BASKETS FULL OF HAND WRITTEN MATERIAL

WHAT IS IT?

NO IDEA

LOOK

AFRAID TO

WHY?

BECAUSE...

BECAUSE WHAT?

BECAUSE IT'S ALL ABOUT UN-HAPPINESS

UNHAPPINESS?

THAT'S A SURPRISE...

WHY?

YOU SEEM LIKE A HAPPY PERSON

I AM.

SO, WHY THE HAND WRITTEN STUFF IS ABOUT UNHAPPINESS?

I HAVE NO IDEA...

YOU NEED TO FIND OUT

AFRAID

AFRAID OF WHAT?

MY OWN SCRIBBLED UNHAPPY NOTES

LOOK INSIDE THE NOTEBOOKS,  MAYBE IT'S NOT SO BAD

MAYBE?

SO?

SO WHAT?

LOOK...

CAN'T

JESUS...

YES, JESUS, I ALWAYS CALL FOR JESUS AT THE TIME OF DOUBT...

SO CALL HIM

CAN'T

WHY NOT?

HE WENT ON A HOLIDAY

HE CAN ANSWER FROM WHERE EVER HE IS VACCATIONING

HE MIGHT NOT ANSWER ME

WHY NOT?

HE WON'T RECOGNISE MY VOICE

HE ANSWERS EVERYONE

ARE YOU SURE OF THAT?

BUT OF COURSE...

WHY?

BECAUSE HE IS GOD

GOD DOESN'T ANSWER EVERY ONE

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE OUT IN THE COLD ASKING GOD FOR A WARM ROOM...

HE ANSWERS BUT THOSE SHIVERING PEOPLE LIKE TO SHIVER IN THE COLD FRESH AIR

ARE YOU SURE OF THAT?

I AM SURE, REMEMBER REAGAN?

WHAT ABOUT REAGAN?

HE SAID,  "IN FREE DEMOCRACY, IT'S THE CHOICE OF SHIVERING PEOPLE TO SHIVER AND

 IT'S THEIR FREE WILL AND IT'S THEIR RIGHT AND I RESPECT HUMAN RIGHTS."

I CAN'T FORCE TO GIVE THEM A FIRE PLACE WHEN THEY ARE WILLINGLY PREFER

 SHIVERING...

JESUS...

YES, JESUS...I KNOW JESUS, I ALSO CALL HIM AT THE TIME OF STRESS

YOU HAVE STRESS?

ARE YOU BLIND?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

CAN'T YOU SEE MY STRESS? CAN'T YOU FEEL MY STRESS? MY STRESS IS IN EVERY FIBER OF MY BODY, EVERY BREATH OF MY SOUL, EVERY DEPTH OF MY MUSCLES, EVERY BONE ON BONE OF MY KNEES, STRESS IS MY CONSTANT AND A VERY SINCERE AND AFFECTIONATE COMPANION, I CALL STRESS AND IT COMES. IT COMES WHEN I DON'T EVEN WANT IT TO COME. IT COMES WHEN I WANT TO GET A COUPLE HOURS SLEEP. IT COMES WHEN I WAKE UP...FIRST THING IN THE MORNING...

I ASK STRESS, "HI, STRESS, ARE YOU THERE? AND STRESS SAYS, "WHAT A NAIVE AND STUPID QUESTION? YOU KNOW IT VERY WELL THAT I AM ALWAYS THERE TAKING CARE OF YOU, I CAN NOT, I WILL NOT ABANDONE YOU.  HOW CAN I?

I CAN NEVER LEAVE YOU ALONE. I KNOW YOU ARE ALEADY SO ALONE...ALL ALONE IN THIS VAST COUNTRY OF OURS,   IN OUR BEAUTIFULLY DIVERSE COUNTRY OF OURS, THOUGH THE PROMOTERS OF DIVERSITY CAN'T PRONOUNCE YOUR NAME BUT THEY ARE DIVERSE ANY WAY, THEY ARE SO DIVERSE,  LOOKING FOR DIVERSITY THAT THEY TRAVEL MILES AND MILES LOOKING FOR DIVERSE PEOPLE SO THEY CAN TAKE ALL THEIR STRESS AWAY BUT YOU SEE,  I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOUR COMPANY ALWAYS  SO I WILL NEVER ALLOW THEM TO TAKE ME AWAY FROM YOU...THEY DON'T KNOW THAT I AM THE ONLY SOLACE YOU HAVE IN THIS AMAZINGLY OPPORTUNISTIC  LAND OF OURS.

YOU POOR POOR THING ALL ALONE BY YOURSELF WITHOUT A FATHER, A MOTHER, A SISTER, A BROTHER, A FRIEND, A NEIGHBOR, OH! MAN HOW CAN I ABANDONE YOU? HOW CAN I LEAVE YOU? AM I NOT A PERSON OF COMPASSION AND EMPATHY?  ONLY BECAUSE OF ME YOU HAVE SURVIVED IN THIS HUGE COUNTRY,  COUNTRY OF OCCEANS,  MOUNTAINS,  GREEN PASTURES,  ART, OH! GOD,  SO MUCH ART,  WE HAVE SO MUCH ART,  SOMETIME I FEEL SO SUFFOCATED WITH ALL THAT ART AND ESPECIALLY NOW,  ALL THE ART BEING CREATED BY ALL THE NEW DIVERSITY...WE ARE ALWAYS FOR DIVERSITY BUT RIGHT NOW IT'S A SUNAMI OF DIVERSITY,   ONLY SOMEHOW THEY LOVE YOU MUCH MORE THAN THEY LOVE OTHER DIVERSE ARTISTS BECAUSE ACCORDING TO THEM YOU DON'T NEED THEM BECAUSE YOU HAVE ME. A PERFECT, CONSTANT, PERMANENT COMPANION. WHO KNOWS WHEN THE AWARDS AND REWARDS OF DIVERSITY WILL LEAVE THE DIVERSE PEOPLE? WHEN WOULD THEY BE ABANDONED? YOU SEE, WE HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT THE PERMANENCE OF THINGS. THINGS HAPPEN SO FAST,  A FASHION COME IN AND THE WHOLE COUNTRY RUNS AFTER THAT AND THEN IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE THAT PARTICULAR FASHION GOES OUT AND A NEW TREND COMES IN. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TRENDY WE PEOPLE OF THE MODERN CIVILIZATION ARE?

YOU  ARE, A KIND OF PERSON OF TRADION.  I KNOW THAT,  OH! MAN DO I KNOW THAT? YOU ARE A ONE  MAN WOMAN.  ONE APT WOMAN.  ONE CAFE WOMAN.  ONE STRESSFUL WOMAN,  FULL OF STRESS...THAT'S ME...YOU ARE FULL OF ME...AND I AM FOND OF YOU,  I PROMISE I WILL NEVER EVER LEAVE YOU ALONE.  I EAT WITH YOU, I SLEEP WITH YOU,  I WAKE UP WITH YOU.  I GO OUT FOR A WALK WITH YOU WHEN YOU SHRIEK WITH KNEE PAIN...I KNOW...I KNOW,  YOU HAVE BONE ON BONE...GEE, THAT'S A TOUGH ONE, TOUGHER THAN THE DIVERSITY SEARCH BRIGADE WHO STILL HAVEN'T NOTICED YOU. HOW TOUGH AND NEGLIGENT CAN YOU BE?

I MEAN YOU SHOULD FORGET ABOUT THE DIVERSITY PROMOTERS GIVING YOU ANYTHING BECAUSE SOON THEY WILL TAKE IT AWAY BECAUSE OF YOUR BONE ON BONE SITUATION.  WE, THE PEOPLE OF MODERN CIVILIZATION AND LIBERAL INTELLECTUALS  AND THE ONE'S WHO PROMOTE  THE LIBERAL VALUES, THEY  DO NOT LIKE PAIN. THATS FOR SURE, NO SUBJECT OF PAIN SHOULD EVER COME INTO ANY RESEARCHE...AND YOUR BONE ON BONE PAIN IN THE KNEEE WILL BECOME A BIG PROBLEM FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE SEEKING HAPPY PROJECT. THEY CAN'T DEAL WITH YOU, "A SAD SUBJECT OF PAIN." NO, NO GRANT IS GIVEN TO PAIN,  DIVERSE OR NOT. WE ARE HAPPY PEOPLE LOOKING FOR HAPPY PROJECTS. YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL THAT YOU HAVE ME.  TELL ME HOW MAN HERE IN OUR LIBERAL SOCIETY HAS A PERMANENT COMPANION?  NOT ONLY PERMANENT BUT SINC ERE AND CARING COMPANION? NO ONE.  TRUST ME,  I KNOW...NO ONE. 

EVERYTHING IS TEMPORARY.  PERMANENCE IS MEDIEVAL. WE NEED TO GET RID OF OLD VALUES,  OLD NOTIONS, OLD ETHICS,  OLD BELIEFS,  EVEN OLD BOOKS,  THEY ARE NOT SO POLITICALLY CORRECT,  THEY NEED TO BE RE-WRITTEN...ANNOYING WORDS TO CERTAIN GROUPS HAVE TO BE CHANGED...SEE HOW FAIR WE PEOPLE ARE AND I AM THE FAIREST OF THEM ALL.  I LOVE YOU,  I ADORE YOU,  I TAKE CARE OF YOU...YOU ARE BLESSED.  WE FORGET HOW BLESSED WE ARE...AND YOU ARE BECOMING FORGETFUL LATELY...

ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE BLESSED BY ME...ME, THE PERMANENT STRESS,

A FAITHFUL COMPANION...AND NOW,  I AM SO SORRY,  I MIGHT HAVE TO LEAVE YOU FOR A MINUTE OR TWO...I NEED TO PEE...BUT I AM COMIN BACK...NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT...I AM COMIN BACK...