CREATIVE MOVEMENTS

There are no creative, liberal,political movements in NY
any more.  If there are I am not in touch.
Perhaps its my fault that there are no liberal/political movements any more in NY
It must be my fault since everything else is my fault.
My stove doesn't work, its my fault
My clock doesn't work, its my fault
My kitchen floor is broken, its my fault
My clothes are stuffed into dressers, its my fault
My apt is now a storage, its my fault
I am always depressed, its my fault
My knee hurts, its my fault
My foot gets swollen, its my fault
I am often sad, its my fault
I am lonely,its my fault
I am isolated, its my fault
I don't submit my work, its my fault
I don't wash my hair, its my fault
My vaccum cleaner is broken, its my fault
So the lack of liberal, creative, political movements in NYC must be my fault
It has to be
It has to be my fault

THE GUY

I hate this guy
I hate his voice
I hate whatever he is talking about even if I
don't understand a thing he is saying except the word,"Money."
I hope he shuts up soon but he won't because he  is talking
and his talk revolves around money and this kind of talk never ends
till they are satisfied with the amount of money they have made already
but these kind of people are never satisfied with no matter how much
money they have already made because they always want more and more
and more, "Money."
I hope he shuts up because I am reading a book about Khalil Gibran
who was heavily into peace and love and faith and belief and love of brothers,,,
I wonder if this man with his ugly voice has ever heard of Khalil Gibran?

BOOKSHELVES

The whole world has been built by slaves.
All countries have been built by slaves.
Everything has been built by the help of slaves and nothing but slaves.
You are talking of getting some bookshelves built...
Give me a break,,,
Slaves worked from dusk to dawn every day for centuries and you are surprised that some people have
the ability to get bookshelves built by someone,,,
Where is that some one?
Some people in the name of love are still working like slaves for some one building everything,,,
Perhaps no one loves you enough to built your bookshelves....
Love is the second name of slavery,,,
No love is around,,
Everything is broken
Everything needs fixing
No love is around to fix it.

CHANGING

Its always changing

You learn something

And its already changed

You learn the new thing

And its changed again

You learn the very new thing

And its changed again

How much can you change every minute?

Can one not absorbs the old change first before

Its changed again?

ACHE

Now the new ache has started

Or the old ache has come back

Or the old ache had never gone away

Or the new ache was always there

To haunt me....

Some thing always haunts me

I don't know what it is?

Every choice haunts me

This way ?

Or that way?

Which way to go?

Haunts me....

Which way to go?

Or not go any where at all

Maybe thats the answer...

Maybe, if I stand still, the ache will go away...

Or maybe it never will...

It never will go away...

The ache.....

LETTERS FROM HOME:

THE PRESENT

THE PAST

THE FUTURE:

PAST MOSTLY......

PAST MOSTLY.....

PAST MOSTLY.....

"TO DO IT OR NOT TO DO IT"

Is it the paranoia?

Or real terror of something related to the beginning of insanity?

You say, "Beginning?"

It began long time ago.

You could never make decisions

Small decisions, big decisions

No decisions at all

You always asked others, all others, family, neighbors, friends, passer by...

Strangers....

If all of the above got tired of you asking the same question a million times,

You would go and find any body....

Any body who will listen

The same question

Again and again.....

Again and again...

Again and again....

Jesus, please.....

The ailment became bigger and bigger and more intense

"Should I do this or should I not do this?"

Was always the question about anything and everything.....

Big things, small things, all kinds of things.

To buy shoes, to buy, sweaters, to buy this lipstick or that lipstick...

To do it or not to do it....

Always was the biggest question of your life...

It seems like not important at that time

Everything seemed insignificant at that time

Everything was not so harmful about those little choices,

"To buy the red lipstick or to buy the pink lipstick

was not such life threatening choices....

But those choices which were questioned and never made turned into eventual disasters.......

Not availing the chance to go to England...

Not keeping the car...To stay or to leave?

Not being able to decide to travel......

"Should I do it or not do it?"

Became a Hamlet like condition.

"To be or not to be thats the question"

At least that question was about the existentialism....

An important eternal question and it was a great tragedy

written by a great writer of any times...........

Your lack of decision process either way is a laughable, a pitiable, a shameful

thing.........

How could you not decide on your own what's good for you?

How could you ask every Tom, Dick and Harry about, "Should I do it?"

"Should I not do it?"

What do they know about your life?

And what do they care?

And how much time they have for you to examine your paranoiad quest of finding the right answer?

They are busy....

Busy with their own lives and their I pods and I pads and lack of concern about

you......

You have come to this that you can't decide whether you should take a particular

medicine or not?

You ask others, "Should you?"

Isn't it pathetic?

They are not sick

You are

You are the one who is going to benefit from it

If there are any benefits in any poisonous drug...

And the side effects?

What the fuck do they care if it has side effects or not...

They are not taking it

You are...

You can die as if they care....

You can die of the disease if you don't take the drug

Or you can die of the side effects if you do take it...........

They don't care

They don't fucking care

No body cares....

They don't have time to care..........

The world is digital and busy

You ask them questions which involves passion........

Which machine Ever showed passion?

You are an adult, make your own decisions

But maybe you are not an adult

You are a child and the decisions have to be made for you......

Too bad that you don't have parents to make those decisions.........

You have to decide.....

Right decision or the wrong one.........

When one make s a decision it always seems like the right one at that time

Only later on one wonders if that was the right one or not.........

But you in your mental insanity always question it as if it is the wrong decision?

Why don't you ever think that it can be the right one?

Are you so negative about everything?

And how come you always know already that not taking the swift action and a bold attack at the right time is always the wrong decision?

Why do you delay and delay and delay till it becomes an enormous problem, un=solvable problem?

Why the positive in your life does not exist?

Why always the negative side of the story is your story?

Isn't life about negatives and positives?

Why in your case there is always a negative staring at your face like the most scary

monster? Always the same monster in every new situation?

Get rid of that monster........

Get rid of the addiction to fear........

What ever is going to happen is going to happen ant way........

You can't be so safe.......

Life is not safe..........

You are worried about the side effects of a medicine?

You can go out and get hit by a car........

Just my luck............

And why your luck is so bad?

Why?

Because you never count the good things in your life......

Never........

Always the bad ones

Only the dark side of the story

Any story

Big story, small story

What have you achieved by your negativity so far?

Destruction only.............

Can't help get rid of the dark side?

Then live with it

Its your dark side

No one is going to join you or question you or help you

for not lighting the candle.....................

No one gives a shit............

You have to do it.....

You have to do it........

Good bad, you have to do it and be responsible for it.........

Its also possible that the medicine might remove your suffering........

Is that one of the possibility or not?

Or only the side effects is the purpose of it?

Then don't take it...........

And live with it...........

Stop asking others to help you..........

Its your life, go help your self.........

But even if there was any help available, you don't have that kind of fortune...........

You are all alone in a cruel, brutal, cunning, selfish, uncaring, un loving world

You can drop dead and no one will care..............

You can't be so vulnerable

You will be swallowed up by the world

You already have been swallowed........

Don't swallow yourself

You will choke to death...................

You want to prevent death or hasten it?

Well you are hastening it darling, hastening it.

Don't be afraid.......

Be courageous

Be bold

Take actions

And take actions swiftly

don't worry about the result when you take that action

Unless you are going to murder someone.....

Think of only good things will happen after you take that action

Other wise you won't be able to do it.........

You will stop, like you have already.........

You have stopped..................

Its a shane............

Live your life till you die and you will

Die..........

Every one will die

But they are not thinking of death while they are on the IPAD

They are thinking of twitter and face book and blogs and you tube............

See how there are no questions of existentialism and anguish and darkness and horribly dark images of diseases while they are chatting and twittering............

The world is happy..........

Buy some electronic toys like they all have and play with those..........

Take your mind off the heavy negative, scary thought process which has

occupied you all your life.........

Nothing is new

You were never able to make decisions at all

Others nade decisions for you

and all others are gone and now you have to do it

and its scary

so very scary

but you have to do it sweetheart

Might as well do it with a positive happy thought.