ACHE

Now the new ache has started

Or the old ache has come back

Or the old ache had never gone away

Or the new ache was always there

To haunt me....

Some thing always haunts me

I don't know what it is?

Every choice haunts me

This way ?

Or that way?

Which way to go?

Haunts me....

Which way to go?

Or not go any where at all

Maybe thats the answer...

Maybe, if I stand still, the ache will go away...

Or maybe it never will...

It never will go away...

The ache.....

LETTERS FROM HOME:

THE PRESENT

THE PAST

THE FUTURE:

PAST MOSTLY......

PAST MOSTLY.....

PAST MOSTLY.....

"TO DO IT OR NOT TO DO IT"

Is it the paranoia?

Or real terror of something related to the beginning of insanity?

You say, "Beginning?"

It began long time ago.

You could never make decisions

Small decisions, big decisions

No decisions at all

You always asked others, all others, family, neighbors, friends, passer by...

Strangers....

If all of the above got tired of you asking the same question a million times,

You would go and find any body....

Any body who will listen

The same question

Again and again.....

Again and again...

Again and again....

Jesus, please.....

The ailment became bigger and bigger and more intense

"Should I do this or should I not do this?"

Was always the question about anything and everything.....

Big things, small things, all kinds of things.

To buy shoes, to buy, sweaters, to buy this lipstick or that lipstick...

To do it or not to do it....

Always was the biggest question of your life...

It seems like not important at that time

Everything seemed insignificant at that time

Everything was not so harmful about those little choices,

"To buy the red lipstick or to buy the pink lipstick

was not such life threatening choices....

But those choices which were questioned and never made turned into eventual disasters.......

Not availing the chance to go to England...

Not keeping the car...To stay or to leave?

Not being able to decide to travel......

"Should I do it or not do it?"

Became a Hamlet like condition.

"To be or not to be thats the question"

At least that question was about the existentialism....

An important eternal question and it was a great tragedy

written by a great writer of any times...........

Your lack of decision process either way is a laughable, a pitiable, a shameful

thing.........

How could you not decide on your own what's good for you?

How could you ask every Tom, Dick and Harry about, "Should I do it?"

"Should I not do it?"

What do they know about your life?

And what do they care?

And how much time they have for you to examine your paranoiad quest of finding the right answer?

They are busy....

Busy with their own lives and their I pods and I pads and lack of concern about

you......

You have come to this that you can't decide whether you should take a particular

medicine or not?

You ask others, "Should you?"

Isn't it pathetic?

They are not sick

You are

You are the one who is going to benefit from it

If there are any benefits in any poisonous drug...

And the side effects?

What the fuck do they care if it has side effects or not...

They are not taking it

You are...

You can die as if they care....

You can die of the disease if you don't take the drug

Or you can die of the side effects if you do take it...........

They don't care

They don't fucking care

No body cares....

They don't have time to care..........

The world is digital and busy

You ask them questions which involves passion........

Which machine Ever showed passion?

You are an adult, make your own decisions

But maybe you are not an adult

You are a child and the decisions have to be made for you......

Too bad that you don't have parents to make those decisions.........

You have to decide.....

Right decision or the wrong one.........

When one make s a decision it always seems like the right one at that time

Only later on one wonders if that was the right one or not.........

But you in your mental insanity always question it as if it is the wrong decision?

Why don't you ever think that it can be the right one?

Are you so negative about everything?

And how come you always know already that not taking the swift action and a bold attack at the right time is always the wrong decision?

Why do you delay and delay and delay till it becomes an enormous problem, un=solvable problem?

Why the positive in your life does not exist?

Why always the negative side of the story is your story?

Isn't life about negatives and positives?

Why in your case there is always a negative staring at your face like the most scary

monster? Always the same monster in every new situation?

Get rid of that monster........

Get rid of the addiction to fear........

What ever is going to happen is going to happen ant way........

You can't be so safe.......

Life is not safe..........

You are worried about the side effects of a medicine?

You can go out and get hit by a car........

Just my luck............

And why your luck is so bad?

Why?

Because you never count the good things in your life......

Never........

Always the bad ones

Only the dark side of the story

Any story

Big story, small story

What have you achieved by your negativity so far?

Destruction only.............

Can't help get rid of the dark side?

Then live with it

Its your dark side

No one is going to join you or question you or help you

for not lighting the candle.....................

No one gives a shit............

You have to do it.....

You have to do it........

Good bad, you have to do it and be responsible for it.........

Its also possible that the medicine might remove your suffering........

Is that one of the possibility or not?

Or only the side effects is the purpose of it?

Then don't take it...........

And live with it...........

Stop asking others to help you..........

Its your life, go help your self.........

But even if there was any help available, you don't have that kind of fortune...........

You are all alone in a cruel, brutal, cunning, selfish, uncaring, un loving world

You can drop dead and no one will care..............

You can't be so vulnerable

You will be swallowed up by the world

You already have been swallowed........

Don't swallow yourself

You will choke to death...................

You want to prevent death or hasten it?

Well you are hastening it darling, hastening it.

Don't be afraid.......

Be courageous

Be bold

Take actions

And take actions swiftly

don't worry about the result when you take that action

Unless you are going to murder someone.....

Think of only good things will happen after you take that action

Other wise you won't be able to do it.........

You will stop, like you have already.........

You have stopped..................

Its a shane............

Live your life till you die and you will

Die..........

Every one will die

But they are not thinking of death while they are on the IPAD

They are thinking of twitter and face book and blogs and you tube............

See how there are no questions of existentialism and anguish and darkness and horribly dark images of diseases while they are chatting and twittering............

The world is happy..........

Buy some electronic toys like they all have and play with those..........

Take your mind off the heavy negative, scary thought process which has

occupied you all your life.........

Nothing is new

You were never able to make decisions at all

Others nade decisions for you

and all others are gone and now you have to do it

and its scary

so very scary

but you have to do it sweetheart

Might as well do it with a positive happy thought.

THEATER OF WORDS CONTINUES

THE SIXTH UNSOPHISTICATED LADY

With your utmost determination, will power and skills

You have created more inferior people than you can imagine...

And soon the planet will be teamed with inferior races...........

THE MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY TO THE OTHER SOPHISTICATED LADY:

What's the matter with them?

We are trying to teach them English which

can certainly make them a little bit superior

and they keep insisting on being at the top of the inferior races

THE SECOND MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY

Its the grammar darling. The Grammar. If you don't understand grammar and its significance in the English language, You can't understand superiority and since you can't understand superiority, you can't become superior.

Its the understanding of things and people and cultures and geography which breeds

superiority, the research...I mean and without the correct grammar, the ambition

can stand in your way.............

THE FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY

But we are trying to teach them.

Why can't they understand that we are in their favor and want to change

their destiny.......

THE SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

But they don't want to change their destiny.....

THE FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY:

That's pathetic. If you are born inferior thats one thing

but if you want to stay inferior thats a tragedy.

THE SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

But they like tragedy.

Ok, I take it back. Perhaps they don't like tragedy

But they haven't known comedy so they are are not accustomed to it.

They are not accustomed to happiness.

Everytime I see them in National Geographic, they are crying.

Beating their breasts and crying. They are always crying.

Sitting next to corpses and crying.

THE FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY

Well, if we had so many corpses in our streets, we will be crying too.

We won't be able to comprehend comic events right after

seeing corpses littered on the ground.

Sept 11 was enough.

I still can't ever forget it.

THE SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

But we did something about it.

We went and nipped it in the bud.

We went after it like you won't believe it.

Immediate action. No delay.

Take care of it right away otherwise it can happen again..........

THE FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY:

Again and again........

They should learn a thing or two from us.

I mean we are here to help them.......

THE SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

Really. Came so far away to teach them English and correct grammar.

That's the first step to success. Who will care?

Us, only, democratic nations who are into human rights.

I mean its the right of every human being to learn English

, perfect English, I mean, not that bull shit broken English like, "England people very nice"

kind of English which really shows your inferiority and here we are to teach

them that and they don't seem to care..............

THE FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY:

They care but they don't understand us........

THE SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

They understand but they don't give a rats ass

THE FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY:

They should care. We came so far away to help them.

I am not so comfortable in their countries, all these mosquitoes and flies, oh! I can't stand the flies, and the water.............

THE SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

You don't drink the tap water, do you?

FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY:

No, I don't. God forbid. But who knows what they put in the bottle.

I don't trust them.

SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

But the bottles are sealed, right?

THE FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY:

They are but still, I don't trust these people. I feel they don't like us.

THE SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

Then why are we here?

THE FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY:

We are here in the name of democracy and democratic countries

are concerned about human rights. Our NGO is named after that.

THE MISSION OF HELPING NON DEMOCRATIC PEOPLE WHO SOME HOW OR THE OTHER LIKE TO KILL EACH OTHER.

THE SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

How us teaching them Grammar will help them stop killing each other?

THE FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY:

First, they have to understand us. understand and trust us.

Trust us that we are not here to hurt them.

THE SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

But we just bombed their country........

THE FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY:

Yes, we did. We have to bomb first. That's the beginning of help.

We need to bomb first and then come in to clean up.

You see the problem is that they don't see the second part of our mission.

That we are here to clean up their mess. They can't just surpass the bombing.

Yes, we bombed them. We did. For their own good. They have been sitting on

their fat assess for so long procrastinating that the democratic world have to do some thing.

We pass a resolution with the UN and the NATO agrees and than we bomb them........wallah..

That's the first step of the reform. The world wide movement to reform and help oppressed

people and women especially. They are the most oppressed. Oh! man, aren't they oppressed?

Look these idiots. We are trying to do our best to make them superior and they keep doing

monologues praising their inferiority. They love to be inferior.

THE SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

It will take them time to learn what we are trying to accomplish here.

Lot of time. All they know is that they are inferior people.

Since centuries they have been told that they are inferior.

We have been telling them too for a long, long time.

Now all of a sudden they can't jump up and down in a bikini and swim

like us and get some exercise for their knees and shoulders so they can stand up

straight and face people like us. Its going to take a long time before they understand

our true purpose of bring in their countries. They think that we are their enemies and we are not................Are we?

THE FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY:

Are we? Are you kidding me. The enemy will come to this mosquito ridden country

and get malaria and all the other rare diseases which exists in all these exotic

countries.............

THE SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

Its not so exotic a country. I scratch my whole body all day and all night

with loofa and still the bite of mosquito doesn't leave me. I want to go back and take a nice hot shower and go to the opera...............

FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY:

We are getting paid a lot of money. A lot of money. I have never ever had a job like this

before. So much money, man....where did our NGO boss es got all that money from?

SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

These bombed out countries somehow have more money than our countries. I wonder how?

But they do...........The moment we bomb them, we get great jobs with a lot of money.

THE FIRST MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY:

Because our jobs are tough.

We are dealing with thick headed people.

Look at these ladies.

For last month and a half they have been repeating the same song of being inferior than us.

I mean don't they feel embarrassed?

THE SECOND SOPHISTICATED LADY:

They don't understand the word, "Embarrass."

That's why we are here...........To teach them. (To the rest of the class) Lunch break ladies......

TO BE CONTINUED..........

That

"THEATER OF WORDS"

A

NEW PLAY

BY

BINA SHARIF

COPYRIGHT:Bina Sharif 2012

THE MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY: (SO CALLED)

Oh! I am sorry

You misunderstood me.

It must be your English.

You know what I mean?

I mean....

Your cultural origin....

Your background........

You know

You always wear nice scarfs...

Nice jewel

But your understanding of my support

system is cultural.

Origin, background.

You always wear nice scarfs

Nice jewelry

But your understanding of my support system

is cultural.

You know what I mean?

You understand what I am saying?

I mean you should be proud of yourself

You know my language

and I don't speak any hindi

even if your grammar is not there yet.........

UNSOPHISTICATED LADY: (SO CALLED)

You don't need to remind me

that I am inferior than you.

I already know and have understood that.

ANOTHER UNSOPHISTICATED LADY: (SO CALLED)

Yes, me too.

Remember last time

and many many times before that

you told me that I was inferior and since you

are such a great, great friend and my only support system

and my only supportive friend

in the west...

I really understood that...

and I am now in complete awareness of

my position of inferiority...............

THE MOST SOPHISTICATED LADY: (SO CALLED)

But still here and there

you can understand what we mean........

THE SECOND UNSOPHISTICATED LADY:

You don't need to apologize

since we are inferior

and trying to perfect our inferiority

in a superior atmosphere

so we can listen to you and like you.

I mean no wrong

but we need to listen to you

and correct our grammar....

You are perfectly correct

because here in correct and perfect grammatic society

we need to learn

the correct grammar ....

but actually that will

hinder our descent into inferiority

and to please you........................(Interruption by the third unsophisticated lady)

THE THIRD UNSOPHISTICATED LADY

And to please you

we need to go down to the ground

and we are almost there....

Actually you helped us get there

and now we are extremely peaceful

with our new superior position

which is our complete inferiority.

In order to make peace in the world

especially in the modern, liberated world

there has to be complete submission

and subjugation

and obedience

of one kind of people with incorrect grammar

to the other kind of people with perfect grammar

After all its the theater of words.

For so long we tried to be like you

tried so hard to learn the grammar

but alas...............

But now we have healed our self...............(Interrupted by the fourth unsophisticated lady)

THE FOURTH UNSOPHISTICATED LADY

We healed our selves finally

mind you with a great effort...

and now our tail is the proof.

We are fully tamed,

domestic, harmless inferior animals.

Gee, how can I convince you of your own superiority

if you yourself don't believe it?

and thats the problem between superior and inferior people.

If your grammar is correct

you are superior

and if its not correct

you are inferior.

Thats it

Simple as all that

You have been teaching us grammar

and we still got it wrong

Just can't get it right

because thats the sign of inferiority

in the theater of words.................

Words, thats all.

Words, words, words.............

I know the words but I don't have correct grammar...........

I accept it fully

that I am inferior..........

FIFTH UNSOPHISTICATED LADY:

We fully...

one hundred percent believe

that we are inferior people.

But you have to go to psychiatrists

and pay thousands of dollars to believe in your own superiority

though you describe your problems to the superior lady,(the psychiatrist)

in perfect grammar and even if she believes that you are superior

but just wants the money and have you on the leash...

you yourself don't believe in your own superiority....

Then sometimes just to prove your superiority

you literally kill.....

That's not superiority

that's violence.....................

We the inferior have come to peace

and you the superior have come to violence

and when you give the orders for violence

you use perfect grammar

because you are superior

and you are the lead actors in the theater of words.

And we?

Not even supporting players............

We are still considered animals............

Amazing...........

Modernity is so hard to comprehend

Just like grammar...........................

THEATER OF WORDS TO CONTINUE.

TILL YESTERDAY

The birds were singing till yesterday

Then what happened?

Why have they stopped chirping?

I don't hear anything

Its all so quiet

Maybe thats good

The quiet....

But the quiet is Ok from people

Not the birds

Their chirping soothes the ear and the soul

People's chirping becomes shrill as it goes on

and it goes on and on

The most insensitive creatures

and the most cruel are the humans

They can't sing

Because they have harsher throats

they yell and scream

and yell and scream

till they become hoarse

and still don't stop

They take singing lessons

but still can't carry the melody

They can sing maybe in a show

but they can't sing with human beings

they scream

and scream

and scream

Its the hatred

humans carry in their hearts for other humans

They hate each other

but claim that they love

they can't love

they are afraid of love

love is a song

they can't sing

they are always competing for being right

everyone of them is always right

but every other person they are yelling at is wrong

wrong

wrong

wrong

always wrong

I want to hear the birds on my window sill

They always chirp in the morning

they wake me up

thats a nice wake up call

better then the construction workers constructing another condo

for the rich brats to live in..............

'you think I am poor?"

Some one asked me the other day

"Oh! gee, no way, you are rich

rich, rich, rich."

Its scary to hear it.........

Most of the people are poor on this planet

and all they talk about is their eternal poverty

There is a, "POVERTY PROJECT" some one is doing

in the inner cities of America

It was scary

I watched it on tv

Though I usually don't watch tv

but I watched

And the poverty project was on

Oh! gee I said,

Just my luck

Can't get away from the word poverty

till some one asked demanded to know

,"Do you think I am poor?"

It was scary

the demand of the rich

Never ever with such demanding voice can you be poor darling

No, no way...

But I don't like the word, poverty or riches

one can never be too rich or too poor

it just doesn't end

the struggle of the rich

and the struggle of the poor

The apple makes 46 billion dollars profit from their factories in China

where they pay $20 dollars for 14 hours work with overtime

where the aluminum dust blows into their lungs and throats and eyes

The poisonous stuff...............

The poisonous stuff with which they polish

the rich person's IPAD..............

And the factory explodes and the teenagers flesh melts away

and their parents built monuments over their dead bodies

in their own homes................

But $46 billion dollars is 46$ billion dollars

and one of them who is making it asks me,

'Do you think I am poor?"

How dare I not answer in the affirmative?

They will explode my flesh into vapors too

and there will be no monument built on my dead body

my parents are already dead

and there is no home to have the monument built.....

I better be careful with rich people

not offend them

I mean

They are not singing birds

who will just fly away to other destinations

When offended

They have wings

They can fly

Fly away..............

I hope I didn't offend them...

like I seem to offend humans

At least they claim that I offend them

I must be very offensive............

The birds didn't think so ....

But the birds are different

They sing

and any one who sings

is more sensitive................

Why are they not singing today?

Till yesterday I heard their songs

What happened?

I hope I didn't offend them

Since I am such an offensive person

according to other humans

who are just so wonderful

and caring

and loving

and adoring...............

But I could have never offended the birds

I was always asleep when they chirped

A sleeping person is like a dead person

and dead never offend any one...

No, I couldn't have done that

I was always asleep

I am usually asleep

when I am awake

I am still asleep

A sleep walker

A sleep listener

People try to trick me subtly

because I am slow to catch on their tricks

because

I am almost always asleep...............

People chirping

in their put downs

I am always asleep

not understanding

because the slow slumber of sleep..............

A nice feeling.........

the slumber, the sleep

But I was always happy to wake up with the birds on my window sill

till yesterday.................

They flew away to distant lands

Some one told me that

the birds migrate

especially in cold weather

they fly away to distant lands

I hope that is the case

Its cold on my window sill

It snows

and ny birds are very sensitive

because they sing

they need the warmth.............

I hope they flew away just for that reason

and not for anything I said or did to cause offense............

I hope not

I won't be able to forgive myself af that was the case............

and they will come back in the spring time and stay on my

window sill till the next winter comes................

I have to live till that time

Till my birds come back and sing for me..................

I have to be alive to hear my birds chirp one more time..................

MADMAN

AND

A MAD WOMAN

BY

BINA SHARIF

copyright:binasharif:2011-2012

MAD MAN:

I am not a martyr. I have figured it all out

about life.

MAD WOMAN:

What have you figured out about life?

You haven't got much of a life any way

and in your state of mind what can you figure out?

Life is the business of philosophers in clean suits with

brief cases and great jobs. Only those kind of people know about life.

MAD MAN:

I know about life. I know about it more than any one else.

MAD WOMAN:

What do you know?

Tell me. Enlighten me about life.

MAD MAN:

Life is entirely meaningless.

Totally, absolutely meaningless.

And wants to just live it?

Live it out till one dies without a ray of purpose,

hope,faith,future.

Future is all meaningless too, so is faith, so is hope.

There can't be no hope when there is no meaning.

Tell me what is the meaning of your life that you want to live it?

MAD WOMAN:

I have faith in me and thus faith in life and thats the meaning

of my life, my faith,

MAD MAN:

What's your faith?

MAD WOMAN:

No faith in particular. I mean I am not a catholic, nor a protestant

or jewish or a mormon..........

MAD MAN: (cuts her of)

But you are in a church. You must have a catholic faith?

MAD WOMAN:

I am in a church because its cold out side and church is

nice enough to people who are shivering with cold and are not philosophers.

Church want the non philosophers to be warm also in the freezing winter.

I am not here for my faith or for jesus. I am here for warmth and may be hot tea.

MAD MAN:

But you are not having hot tea. Others are having it.

MAD WOMAN:

I will have hot tea soon

MAD MAN:

When?

MAD WOMAN:

Soon

MAD MAN:

Why don;t you go to the other side and get some hot tea?

MAD WOMAN:

let them get done with it. I don't want to go near clean people

with meaningful lives.

MAD MAN:

No people's life has meaning. Clean people, dirty people,

Scientists, lawyers,doctors,............