"THE PLEASURES OF UN-HAPPINESS"

 "THE PLEASURES OF UN-HAPPINESS"

                             BY

                BINA SHARIF

"PSYCHOLOGY OF CULTURE."

 "PSYCHOLOGY OF CULTURE"

                      BY

                BINA SHARIF

ART JOURNAL PART 11

 ART JOURNAL PART 11

Premonition

"A place of passage?"

"Whispering shout?"

Don't be a martyr.

There is no power in it

Don't you want power?"  BS

"None of us realized our worth.

We ended up being envious of  the worthless."  BS

"They make me feel incompetent...

I was never like that

Now I feel totally incompetent

I was never like that...

What happened?

I don't know

I really don't."  BS

"Any thing which might arouse disturbing

thoughts,  any person which arouse anxiety

of any kind or any place which makes you feel

less than others,  just look away...don't notice things in detail,

they are all sources of anguish...just look away to liquify your future '

tension and feeling of incometency.  Look away...don't notice."  BS

"Look away from what surrounds you to avoid the disturbances 

in your heart later on."   BS

"All these are fables". BS

"Determine to get rid of all that bothers you.

Determine to get rid of all the thoughts which give you sorrow

Determine to get rid of all that regret which makes you so sad.

It, was perhaps all important but is in the past and past will never come back."   BS

"Cultivate determination...

Do your work

Define first...

What is your work?

Then do it

And if you can't...

Still do it.

Avoid the word, "CAN'T"

Cultivate determination to do your work...

Just your work...

If you have no definition of your work

Or you think your work wasn't fruitful...

Just do what you like and  then call that your work.

What is it that you like to do?

Walk

Read

Talk

Draw

Laugh

Go to the the museums

Go to a park

Go to a beach

Go to a cafe

Be happy.

'BE HAPPY!" That's the most important thing you have just mentioned.

Actually it's the only thing which counts.

So make all the things listed above as your work. This way you will happily do your work

Which is,  the things you like to do every day...

Work must be delightful and exciting and rejuvinating.

Make a promise to do all the things you just narrated."  BS

"I was very happy about the things I did in the past

And now I am very unhappy about all the things I did in the past."

'One does turn away from all of it after a while."  BS

"Certain hope has disappeared from the world."  Camus

"A solitude has begun."  Camus

"BOURGEOIS SOCIETY TALK ABOUT FREEDOM

WITHOUT PRACTICING IT."   Camus

"I hate filthy rich people."  BS

----------------------

'Things you really, really want to do and people you really want

to see,  you make time for them.  It's obvious,  isn't it?

And the people you don't want to see and things you don't really care for,

You never think of making time.  To you that's a waste of time.  That's what it exactly mean...

When you say, "Oh! I wanted to call,  or I wanted to see you, or wanted to go out with you for a drink

 etc, etc. etc...but I had been so busy..."SO BUSY." has become a mantra of people who just are

phony because it's all bull shit. One makes time for things to do.  One makes time for people to see.

Rest is all bull shit.  I know I said it before but I wanted to repeat it and I have repeated it...

People think every one is an idiot or stupid and doesn't understand the false, fake affection.

'Affection?"  That is actually too precious a word to use in this case.

It's just a form of small talk.  BUMS RUSH,  IT'S CALLED.  It's for people you don't want to see...BS

---------------------------

Take a little break,  little liberation every day,

frome the influences which disturbs you. 

 it's very important...

for your emotional,  mental and physical health. BS

---------------------

'Freedom is not a gift received from a state or a leader,

but a possession to be won every day by the effort of each

and union of all."    John Berger

-----------------------

"I was the one who loved

I wasn't loved by those whom I loved." BS

MY ART JOURNAL/MAJ

 MY ART JOURNAL/MAJ

BAUDELAIRE: (1821-1867)

(POET,  ESSYIST,  ART CRITIC, FRIENDS OF ALL GREAT ARTISTS

FROM DELACROIX TO MANET)

"

"BADELAIRE,  forsaw and defined the modern sensibility starting from

romantic aesthetics."

"What," He asked. "Is pure art according to our modern conception?"

"It is the creaton of a suggestive magic contaning at once the object and the subject,

the world outside the artist and the artist himself."

Miserably depended on the media of publicity.  He must recruit the public through 

the critic. That is his deepest humiliation."

"Economic and social trends determine and give their fluctuating shades 

to broad movements of thought and opinion in every epoch."

"I have no choice but to construct my own reality however arbitrary and even absurd that may seem."

"They don't control the law, they write the law.

They are the law. To be successful-you have 

to obey the law they wrote.  And the law is that you can't criticize that law,  the law they wrote.

 Infact you have to really like that law. Praise it to death.?" Baudelaire

----------------------

KARIMA'S DILEMA

Karima,  don't allow any slight un -answered.

"Pugnacious style with pugnacious false gods.?

You have been praising the false gods. ?

What a pity!

Inadequcy and fallibility.

Sometime the most effective and powerful action is non-reaction,  non-action."

"Oh! it seemed so depressing--I instantly walked out. One has to make decisions that fast."

--------------

People are so boring

I can't be with them

They are rude,  inattentive,  self consumed,  self important.

They can be alone and be self consumed as much as they want.

Good luck to them."

--------------

Muslim women in hijab,  feeling so important at the fancy French cafe called, LADUREE...

-----------

Karima,  become important.  The most important.

Forgive them

Forgive yourself

Fill your time with more cultural stuff.

Fill your time with what gives you joy.

Lead through force of personality

Force,  my dear force...

"STRUGGLES OF OTHERS"

 "STRUGGLES OF OTHERS."

By excluding other talent

Other humans and their struggles,

their beauty,  their joy,  their pain---

and deliberately concentrating and talking about one 

humanity, and not other compassionate persons who feels the sorrow

of all others ....

THOUGHTS OF A SOCIETY

 THOUGHTS OF A SOCIETY

SAD THOUGHTS

DEPRESSING THOUGHTS

SORROWFUL THOUGHTS

AWFUL DREAMS

DREAMS OF TERROR

DREAMS OF PERSECUTION

DREAMS OF VICTIMHOOD

DREAMS OF POWERLESSNESS

DREAMS OF LOSS

CAN'T FIND THE PASSPORT

CAN'T FIND MY MONEY

DREAMS OF ABANDONMENT

MORNING DEPRESSION

EVERYDAY THE SAME THOUGHTS

EVERYDAY GETTING WORSE

HORRIBLE YEAR

PANDEMIC MADE IT WORSE

THE THOUGHTS I MEAN

WASTE OF ONE HOUR

WASTE OF TWO HOURS

WASTE OF TREE HOURS

WASTE OF FOUR HOURS

WASTE OF SIX HOURS

WASTE OF EIGHT HOURS

WASTE OF TEN HOURS

WASTE OF A WHOLE DAY

WASTE OF A LIFE

LIFE WASTED....

SOMETHING HAS ENETERED

DOESN'T LEAVE

JUST DOESN'T LEAVE

DEEP. DEEP DEPRESSION

PEOPLE KEEP FUNCTIONING EVEN WHEN THEY ARE DEPRESSED

THEY KEEP WRITING

THEY KEEP GETTING PUBLISHED

THEY KEEP FUNCTIONING

BUT THOSE ARE AMERICAN PEOPLE

THEY WERE ALL BORN HERE

ALL OF THEM

THEY UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER'S LANGUAGE

EACH OTHER'S DEPRESSION

EACH THER'S CAUSE

I CAME FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE

IT'S A DIFFERENT KIND OF SADNESS

IT'S A DIFFERENT KIND OF DEPRESSION

GETTING WORSE EVERY DAY

I WAS SO SAD WHEN I WOKE UP TODAY

SADDER THAN USUAL...

BAD DREAM

A VERY BAD DREAM...

SCARY

EVERYTHING WAS LOST

IN THE DREAM

I WAS VERY SAD

WHEN I WOKE UP

THEN I READ ABOUT OSCAR WILDE

THE TIME WHEN HE WAS IN HOLLOWAY PRISON

IT MADE ME SO SAD

SO, SO, SO, SO , SO SAD.

I UNDERSTOOD

THE CAUSE OF EVERY DAY SADNESS

SOCIETY

SOCIETY

SOCIETY

REALLY EVIL

REALLY CRUEL

THEY FEED ON PEOPLE'S MISFORTUNE

THEY FEED ON PEOPLE'S LOSS

THEY FEED ON PEOPLE'S SORROW

THEY FEED ON PEOPLE'S MISHAPS

THEY ARE EVIL

THEIR LAWS ARE EVIL

THEIR RULES ARE EVIL

THEY ARE CRUEL

SO, SO, SO CRUEL

THEY ARE MONSTERS

THEY LAUGH

THEY LAUGH A LOT

A WHOLE LOT

WHEN PEOPLE SUFFER

WHEN PEOPLE GO THROUGH A LOSS

WHEN PEOPLE FEEL HELPLESS

POWERLESS

BECAUSE OF THE LAWS OF EVIL SOCIETY

BECAUSE OF THE POWER OF THE CRUEL SOCIETY

THEY HAVE POWER TO DESTROY

AND DESTROY THEY DO,

FOR SURE...

ONE CAN'T FIGHT THE EVEIL SOCIETY

SO THEY FINALLY DESTROY THEMSELVES

FIGHTS BECOMES ENDLESS

A PERSON CAN'T WIN

IT'S A LOSE, LOSE SITUATION

SORROW REMAINS

LOSS REMAINS

REGRETS REMAIN

SADNESS REMAIN

DEPRESSION REMAIN

CRUEL SOCIETY REMAIN

MY ART JOURNAL

 MY ART JOURNAL

"YOU ARE SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU

CAN'T COMPREHEND IT."  BS

"BE HAPPY, THAT'S 

THE MOST IMPORTANT JOB" BS

I AM TRYING.

"BE GOOD TO YOUR FAMILY

NO MATTER WHAT!.."  BS

"YOU JUST GIVE...

GIVING IS MUCH MORE PLEASURBLE

THAN GETTING...

GIVE AND KEEP GIVING...

BLESSING IS IN GIVING."  BS

"TRUST YOUR SELF

AND KEEP WRITING

IF NOTHING ELSE

PUBLISH IT ON YOUR BLOG

"STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS."  

DON'T YOU REMEMBER THAT YOU DO HAVE A BLOG?" BS

"NO ONE GIVES A SHIT

EVERY ONE EVENTUALLY

COMES BACK TO POINT ZERO.." BS

"THERE IS NO ONE

 TO COMPETE WITH YOU,

BECAUSE YOUR WORK 

IS NOT POPULAR...

ONE WAY OR THE OTHER

YOU ARE BLESSED,

BECAUSE YOU ARE SO

UNIQUE...

AND SO IS YOUR WORK...

AND I MEAN IT."   BS

"IF ONE COULD ABSTAIN FROM

ASKING ANYTHING OF THEM,

FROM ASKING THEIR PRAISE, 

OR HELP,  OR PITY,  AND CONTENT, 

WITH COMPELLING THEM THROUGH

THE VIRTU OF ELDEST LAWS."   Ralph Waldo Emerson

"HER HEAT AND HURRY LOOK

FOOLISH ENOUGH"  RWE

"THE MOMENT IS ALL,  IN ALL

NOBLE RELATIONS."

"HAVE CHARCTER AND OWN IT

AT ALL TIMES"      BS

"THE KNOWERS,

THE DOERS,

THE SAYERS." RWE

  "LOVE OF TRUTH

LOVE OF GOOD 

LOVE OF BEAUTY". RWE

"STAND IN YOUR OWN RIGHTS

AND WORK AFTER UNTAUGHT

METHODS, WHICH TRANSCEND

THE HABITS OF CLIGN AND CASTE".  RWE

BUT THIS WIDE AFFINITY IS."

"SALADIN,  CID,  SAPOR SCIPIO

CAESOR...TOO EXCELLENT IN

THEMSELVES."    ??

"I WAS WORKING

NOT TRIUMPHING".  RWE

"THEY THREATEN

WHAT IS THREATABLE

THEY INSULT

WHAT'S INSULTABLE."  RWE

"NATURE AND LITERATURE ARE

SUBJECTIVE PHENOMENA;

EVERY EVIL AND EVERY GOOD

THING IS A SHADOW WHICH WE CAST."  RWE

"CAPITAL VIRTUE OF SELF TRUST."  RWE

"IT'S A MAIN LESSON OF WISDOM

TO KNOW YOUR OWN,  FROM ANOTHERS"

"I AM AND I HAVE

BUT I DO NOT GET,

AND WHEN I HAVE FANCIED--

I HAD GOTTEN ANYTHING,

??????????

"TO KNOW A LITTLE

WOULD BE WORTH THE EXPANSE

OF THIS UNIVERSE."

"ENTERTAIN HOPE,

AND AN INSIGHT

WHICH BECOMES THE LIGHT OF OUR LIFE."

"NEVER MIND THE RIDICULE--

NEVER MIND THE DEFEAT,

UP AGAIN---OLD HEART."

"WORDS ARE ALSO ACTIONS

AND ACTIONS ARE A KIND OF WORDS."   RALPH WALDO EMERSON

CAMUS

 CAMUS

"To be a great artist you have to have strength of soul

And patient defiance.  Let's keep our eyes on destitution- prisons

And blood shed.  Let's not forget the humiliated.  Danger makes men

Classical and greatness,  afterall is rooted in risk.  In the risk however

And only there,  lies the freedom of art." Camus

You,  miss BS,  misunderstood the meaning of great art and 

The essence of the great artist.  You worried about popularity

And likeability.    BS

ON THE DAY OF THE READING. (Very important to be looked at and perform)

 ON THE DAY OF THE EADING

On the day of the reading on that Sunday,  April 8th

At performance space,  a few people complemented me.

This is what they said.

 " You are a slice of heaven."

"You are an incredible performer."

"You are amazing, "The artistic director of that space said.

Her name is Jeanny.

She told me that, "I was the highlight of the day."

Yes,  that's what she told me.

A lady who was a stranger to me stopped me in the street corner

And told me, 

" What a great actress you are." "You read so well,  I felt every word deeply."

Yes,  thats what she said.

That should make me less sad

But after an hour or so- I felt the wind of sadness

Creeping through my chest all the way to my heart.

That constant gnawing feeling comes back.

"Ok,  I have failed."

"Ok,  i failed in every which way..

Ok,  every one is a winner...but me

Ok,  every one won.

Ok,  everyone dealt with life successfully

Ok,  I didn't

Ok,  i didn't deal with life in the right way

Ok,  I failed and failed in every  which way,  in everything

Family,  people,  work,  neighbors,  money,  sensibility,  

Everything...

At least it should be settlled by now

That I have failed...

At least it's settlled now...

Or is it ?

No, not yet.

Amazing

Yes, amazing...it should have been setteled by now

I think it should have been, settlled by now that I have failed.

Is that ok?

Are you satisfied with the settellment? 

 Is that ok with you?

Are you satisfied with the settellment?

You wanted that

Didn't you?

You wanted to hear that you have failed

Now you have heard it...

There shouldn't be any more mention of that...

There is nothing more to be said

There is nothing more to be done

And one more thing

You will keep failing...

So,  now it should be all settlled

And it should never be brought up again

It's all explained

It's all expressed

It's all recorded.

No more talk of this....

Right?

Agreed?

Please...

Give your self a break

Give your failure a break honey

You have exhusted poor failure.

Failure appologise to you for failing you

"So sorry,  please accept my appology..."

The failure said, 

 "Forgive me once and for all."

"So i can go on a holiday afer such a grueling experiment."

"I didn't mean it.  I was just testing your endurance."

'You have endurance and consistency of your beliefs.

I give you that. You didn't fall apart...I have destroyed many to ruins.

You have succeeded in convincing me that you could go through it.

You have succeeded my dear,  you are a great success and it's me,

Your enemy the ,"Failure." is telling you. You are a great success"

Now let me go...I need a vaccation...by now...You should celebrate.

Maybe take a holiday yourself. 

 Go to a sunny place with a beach and swim...

Water and sun will confirm only success to you."

"Failure is not allowed to be in the sun or go swimming."  BS

'Shakespeare only asks three questions

1:  "Who are we?"

2:    "Why are we?"

3:    "What are we?"

         Glenda Jackson

"King Lear is entirely human

like other human beings.

Their interactions and their failures to interact

to understand each other."     Glenda Jackson

 "You can't shake off cruelty and folly." ???

"Have nervey detachment,  staccato." ????

KARIMA ULLAH

"I am very sad suddenly

I think  we will not meet again...

None of us...

Thats a sad thought indeed...

Circumstances at the moment seem hopeless.

Troublesome evidences...

One so detached

The other so distanced

The third,  not accessable..."  karima

"It's a tiredness

Which comes from very far,

That has accumulated...

And is made of all kinds of things...

Made of everything...

Sometimes it makes itself felt."  DURAS

"No depth of feelings.

They are not worth it.

Thats the bottom line..."  ?????

CAMUS

 CAMUS

"Beauty can not serve any party

Beauty can not serve anything

But men's suffering or their liberty

Beauty has never enslaved anyone

Perhaps the greatest tension in art

Lies in the perpetual tension

Between beauty and pain."

'The love of men and the madness of creation

Unbearable solitude and the exhausting crowd,

Rejection and consent on the ridge where the

Greatest artist moves forward.

Every step is an adventure, an extreme risk."

DURAS

"Dominated by her feelings which had

Suddenly became so tyrannical---that they crushed her."

"Moods might be gentle, languid-or cruel."

"Welcome moods into your body

Whether fleeting or lasting."

"It's a tiredness which comes from very far,

That has accumulated and is made of all kinds

Of things, of everything--sometimes it makes itself felt."

I AM VERY SORRY YOU LAY SO MUCH STRESS ON SUCH TRIFLES. RACINE

 "I AM VERY SORRY YOU LAY SO MUCH STRESS ON SUCH TRIFFLES."  RACINE